hellaoptile:

you know how when you go to a concert or show of some sort and the person on stage is like “HOW’S EVERYONE DOING TONIGHT?!?!?!?!” and the audience cheers back? why? you’re not answering the question, you’re just yelling. imagine if we did that in daily conversation. “hey jeff, how are ya?” and jeff just starts screaming and clapping in your face

edgebug:

instead of watching the 50 Shades trailer, why not just make awkward eye contact with a total stranger at the grocery store for a solid 2 minutes and 34 seconds? you get the same skin-crawling, uncomfortable feeling but without the shitty writing, terrible acting and massive dose of rape culture

digivolvin:

last night i dreamed that scientists used a really bad picture of me to prove humans are closely related to goats and i was so insulted i woke up